Alexa is 4. She lives with her dad James, and little brother Archie. Her mum Rebecca died in 2014, she had cancer. Here, James talks about his family.
Can you tell us about Alexa’s Mum?
That day in December 2014 was the hardest day of my life. I knew it was coming, but it was still a shock when my wife, Becca, died. She had been diagnosed with cancer in April 2014; and the horrible disease took her life that same year.
It was a very difficult time for the whole family, Becca's parents didn't expect to bury their 34 year old daughter, nor me my wife and the children their mother. But between us all we managed to find a way through it.
I am very fortunate to have received amazing from the children's grandparents, who were great throughout Becca's illness, and continue to me & the kids today. I started to see a counsellor in the run up to Becca's terminal diagnosis after talking to a friend
What advice would you give to families in a similar situation?
I have learnt a lot about myself and my children over the past few years, and have had some very hard lessons. But with help from family and friends, we get through it. If I can offer any advice to newly bereaved parents it would be this:
- In the very early days, you are likely to be in shock and existing on auto-pilot. So if all you can do is keep everyone fed, watered & safe. Enough is Good Enough.
- Be kind to yourself. If you need some time on your own, take it. Give yourself a break, emotionally and physically. You don't need to be a Super-Dad or Super-Mum. Enough is Good Enough.
- And if you find yourself doubting your abilities as a parent, put other people in your shoes, and think about how you would see them in your situation.
to:
- Be kind to yourself.
- Ask for help.
- You don't need to be super-dad or super-mum.
- Embrace your friends who are also parents.
